I struggled with anorexia when I was 13 year old. 

I lived in toxic and abusive household. I grew up in a very cultural household where my voice was never heard and most of my choices were made for me. I got called ‘ugly’, ‘fat’ and ‘useless’. I started to become depressed and started to believe that I was ugly, fat and useless. 

Not eating was my way of coping 

I started to reduce my meals and my snacks. For me, not eating was my way of coping with things that were happening around me and I felt it was the only thing in my life that I had control over. 
 
As I started my journey into adulthood, I ended up in my own toxic relationship, where again I got called ‘fat’, ‘chubby’ and ‘revolting’. The words used triggered how I felt in my younger age and led to me not eating or, if I did eat, I would make myself physically sick. This and other factors in my life meant I hit an all-time low with my mental health. I started to become ashamed; I isolated myself and avoided going on social outings with others if food was involved. My physical health also took an Impact due to my eating disorder.
 
As I left my toxic relationships and started my recovery at the age of 24, I started to learn to love myself. I started a gratitude journal about the things I love about myself. At first, it wasn’t easy for me to do, but the more I did it, the easier it became. I also started to do positive affirmations about myself such as ‘I am good enough’ and ‘I love myself’. I even sought out help from professionals such as a dietician and counsellor.

I have beaten my eating disorder but know I fight a different battle

Four years on from the start of my recovery, I have beaten my eating disorder but know I fight a different battle. Now that I am a healthy BMI and have put on healthy weight, I get people assuming that I am pregnant, or I get asked how many weeks I am or if this my first. There have been moments when I have heard these comments and wanted to relapse, or to start to believe again that I am fat or chubby or worthless. But I tell myself “my worth is not defined by the scales” and “ I am enough, just the way I am”.
 
If you are in recovery from your eating disorder, I hope you are learning to heal, love and accept how amazing and brave you are. If you’re not quite at recovery just yet, that’s okay. Just remember asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do.
 
REMEMBER: BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL!!!